Angelee decided to come to town – so Erica and LaNell and I cleared our schedules and had a Super Fun Girls Weekend! Sometimes it’s just so great to pretend you are a young high schooler again and can eat whatever and stay up late and laugh all night and day. We hung out at Erica’s on Friday night and then got Costa Vida and played Skull King at LaNells. We stayed the night at Lans house. On Saturday we went on a morning hike and breakfast at Communal and spent our afternoon at the mall. LaNell made us dinner and we played more games and watched BYU lose in the tournament and we went and bought matching sweatshirts! Then on Sunday we went to our homes for church and then over to Erica’s with our families for Manicotti dinner and more games. We stayed out late hot tubbing that night and hugged and called it a weekend! It was so easy and fun to be together. Made some new memories and enjoyed our old ones. It’s Funny How Those Memories They Last.
Man – Still Missing my dad! So many Great Pictures of him and the life he lived. I walked away from the funeral and all of the hoopla just thinking what a good man he was. He didn’t have much materially but he just loved people. He always served in the church and always took care of his family and all 100 of our friends. One of the things that stuck with me was a 30ish year old girl that showed up with pizza for the family because she had called the RS and wanted to help. Someone asked who she was and who she was here for – meaning – which Robertson kid is she the same age as and hung out with… – the answer was that she was here for Dad. Dad was her bishop and loved her and treated her kindly and reached out to her. I loved that.
A couple days after the funeral we all got these pictures on our group me messages from “dad” when Mom started up his phone. Looks like he was trying to send us this last picture the day he passed away. It was weird to see a new picture of him after he was already gone. One of the hardest parts about losing dad was that we couldn’t be with him. These Covid restrictions have been crazy and sad. We just wanted to talk to him and encourage him and even just to be able to SEE how he was doing or SEE what he needed. I felt so out of touch with him. He only talked on the phone once or twice a day so we didn’t get to see him or hear him. Dad was such a people person – I’m sorry that he had to die without his people.
That next morning after dad died Ben and I got the kids off to school and then Erica took me to the airport. It was snowing but we made it out of there 🙂 And I was headed off to be with Mom and with anyone else that could break away and be together and be sad together and start to plan a funeral.
It was amazing how quickly word spread about Dad. So many people knew the night of and by the next morning people were calling and texting and leaving things on the porch!
Kelsey and I flew together in First Class! And it worked out for Josh and Mal to come pick us up. From the airport we went straight to the Oroville Cemetery to pick a plot for dad! And then to Sheer Memorial Mortuary to make Funeral plans!
After all the planning – realizing that we couldn’t have the funeral on the next Monday or right away on Friday – We got everything set for the next Friday the 26th! Kind of far away but that was what seemed to work. After the errands we went to Kevin and Liz’s house where people had tons of food waiting for us and moms friends were across the street at the Stutzneggers waiting to hug her and Bishop Avila was getting in to town about 8pm and could come finalize the church part of the Funeral plans.
We went back to Sacramento that evening and I slept over at Moms Condo with Christy, Kelsey, Mom and Michael. Tracie and Ryan and Josh all went home. On Thursday we got a few things done at the Condo and put aside for the funeral. We called and ordered a casket spray and flowers and we played a game of Five Crowns in dads honor. We stopped at the store for a few things and That evening we went over to Tracies house. The Friends – Dee and Pam and Susan brought us some delicious enchiladas and stayed and visited. They also brought a wind chime and several fruit trees in dads honor. On Friday we looked through old pictures and then we went over to do lunch and get things fixed up at the new house so that we could move mom and Michael over to that house the next day!
sleepover
crazy electrical wiring
feeding the goats
And then on Saturday Christy and Rob rented a BIG moving truck and everyone came and helped move them out of the condo! (and we celebrated Shae’s birthday) It took 2 big truckloads! And we got the Condo almost empty! and almost clean! and the new house almost set up!
We ordered some Burgers and Fries and had time to sit around and finalize some funeral plans and work on the Eulogy and make sure that we were on track for a Friday Funeral.
It was a little sudden to get Mom and Michael moved but we had so many helping hands and people wanting to be together and it just made sense to get it done. They were originally planning on moving out of the Condo in Feb anyway, before the Covid crazy – so it was good to get it done. Hopefully it didn’t feel to sudden and rushed for them.
On Sunday morning Kelsey drove me to the airport and I headed back to be with my family and get them packed up to come out for the funeral in a few days. It was very healing to be there with my mom. It was nice to just be in that moment and away from all responsibilities!
I don’t know how to write about something that is so life changing and hurts so badly. Something that over a month later still doesn’t quite seem possible or right or even true. Most days it still seems like dad is still here. Still in CA with mom and loving retirement. Still planning the next adventure and helping all of us kids with all of our stuff. Seems like he’s home holding a grandkid and snoozing on the couch or fixing the new bathroom at Tracie and Johns. But, I have moments every day that hit me really hard that he really isn’t on this earth any more and that I truly will never see him again or hug him again or hear his stories or his laugh. It hits in the strangest moments and I MISS HIM SO MUCH.
Dad got sick on New Years eve. He went to bed a little early around 11pm instead of waiting to bring in the new year. Ryan had been sick all week (with a negative covid test) and so when Dad got it and then mom started feeling it the day after him… we knew it was Covid and that we wanted to get them home to California where they could be sick in their own home and in their own state. Michael got up Saturday morning and drove mom and dad home. They had a fairly good trip besides dad passing out on the side of the road – he felt nauseous and when Michael pulled over to let him out he passed out and fell out of the car! His oxygen levels were pretty low and the motion seemed to make him nauseous. Michael was able to monitor him and get him back in the car and on the road again.
That same Saturday I drove Ryan home to CA and got him and Mar and Brin settled. Mom and Dad were both pretty sick so I didn’t even go check on them (I regret that now but it made sense at the time. I was helping Ryan and they just wanted to sleep)- Michael was also feeling sick and got his Covid Test that evening but he was the only one well enough to take me to the airport so I could get back home – THEY WERE ALL A MESS.
So the last time I saw dad was Friday morning, January 1 – he took a shower at my place and then came up from the basement bedroom for breakfast. He ate at the table with all of the kids and said that the shower didn’t help much and he was still feeling gross. On New Years Eve we did get him to play my new game, The Crew. We convinced him that it was like Rook and so he WOULD like it. He played with us and we all enjoyed that. That’s my last – last fun moments with my pops. He was sick and in the hospital the rest of his life.
On Friday the 16th of February we had a busy back to real life and make time to play in the snow with Joel day. I remember making dinner that evening and reading all of the family updates that dad was doing so well and that all plans were now in place for him to get out of the hospital and into the care center that Cways family owns! We were all excited cause he was off of the oxygen and pain free. Now he just needed to get his strength up and be able to walk again. That next morning they would move him and we would be able to go and visit through the big windows and then he could come home as soon as mom felt like he could get around on his own. I was so excited because I hadn’t seen him since new years day and I hadn’t talked to him since the 10th of January – 37 days! I was hopeful to finally talk to him since he was finally feeling better!
At 8:30 we finished watching All Round Champion with the kids and were ready to put them to bed. I got up to kneel for prayer and checked my phone messages. My mom had just texted us 12 kids- She texted that the Dr had just called her and Dad wad gone – he was dead. She didn’t know what to do except to let us all know. I Quadruple read that text and then threw my phone on the floor! I tried to tell Ben and the kids but I’m pretty sure they were clueless. I showed Ben my phone and was able to communicate to the kids that my Dad had died. We were all in shock. We were not expecting this. A few weeks ago – I might have been prepared but now!? He was supposed to be coming home! We all sat and cried. It was hard and it was sweet and tender. It was amazing that we were all together in that moment and I felt love and peace for and with each one of my children. Ben was finally able to pull us all together after about 30 minutes and lead us in prayer and get the kids headed to bed.
When the kids went up to bed I called my mom. She was very emotional. I’m actually surprised that she answered but I know she was trying to be a good mom for me. I know cause I had just spent the last 30 minutes trying to comfort my own kids! So We talked for a few minutes even though I don’t think she wanted to. Neither of us could believe it. Maybe the Dr had the wrong person? It wasn’t even dads regular dr. It was just some first time assigned to dad young Dr guy. But you know, Dad was gone, and reality was trying to sink in. We cried. And cried some more and then mom let me know that Tracie and Christy were on their way over so we hung up. After that I felt like I should check on all of my Utah crew. I called to check on Kelsey and Shannon and Joel and Sean. They were all “hanging in there” and didn’t need to be together immediately. I can’t remember which other siblings I called but I wanted to call each one and I was so worried that Michael was at work, and they wouldn’t be able to get the message to him! and he had been taking such good care of Dad and he was just going to be so devastated!
I thought about going to Joels house to be with them but the roads were icy and it was snowing so I decided to go to Erica and Than’s first. Erica wasn’t home but Than was – and then Erica hurried home. These friends loved my Dad and it was comforting to be with them and feel/hear their love. Than immediately started making plans and before I could leave I had a flight set for 10am the next morning and Kelsey was coming with me! The weather was still icy so I sat at the Temple for a minute and talked to God and then came home to be with Ben.
I don’t think any of us slept well that night. Ben was so good to me and just let me be sad even though I know he was also so sad! I packed my bags that night and made a few plans. Then Wednesday morning Ben took over all things Mr Mom and Erica drove me to the airport and I met up with Kel and we headed off to Sacramento and then to Oroville to try to figure out how to live without our Dear Dad. 🙁
This doesn’t do justice for ending someone’s life in written form but this is how I remember it. It has been 40+ days now but I want to remember the details. I want to remember everything about my dad. I have more details to add here and in my journals. I will always love you Dad, Thanks for being a GREAT Dad, truly the best!
That time my phone flew into the toilet and couldn’t recover! It worked for 2 days after and then it went dark. so sad.
There were so many things that I couldn’t do without my phone! They are such a way of life now. I know I depend on my phone but it was my alarm clock to get up in the mornings. My scripture study. My Portuguese lessons. My calendar for current and future needs. My to do list. My phone and text and contacts and church directory. My CAMERA! And all the fun non important games, netflix, books to read, NEWS, social media. I was literally lost without it! So sad. Ben quickly bought me a new one so I didn’t suffer for long!
Erica and I went skiing at Deer Valley! I have only skied once and so I wanted to try it. I did pretty good but it was very tiring on my legs. I think we made it down the face about 3 times and then I was shaking and wiped. So… we walked back to the car and drove a few minutes down the road to Park City where I could use my snow board. I was pleasantly surprised at how much more comfortable I was on my board. And it was easier on my legs. We did about 3 more runs and then the blizzard kicked in full force so we called it a day and went to the Loco Lizard for lunch. I loved being on the slopes again and chillin with Erica!
On Saturday the parents were getting pretty sick so Michael decided to get up and get them heading home where they could be sick in the comfort of their own home and in CA. They got up and got on the road that morning.
Ben went to a funeral that morning for Brother Dick Cardon and I took Cali to her soccer game. When I got back I got a text from Ryan in the basement saying that he was really miserable and needed help. Kelsey and I went down and talked to Ryan and decided that he needed to get home so that he could get help and be in his own home… we talked about options and decided that I was the best bet for getting him home! I had already had Covid. So around Noon we jumped in the truck and Mar, Brin and I sat in front and Ryan crashed in the back. The rest of the family stayed the last day of their vacation and tried not to get sick!
We had a good uneventful trip. Ryan just laid in the back the whole time. Didn’t eat, didn’t get out at gas stations. He really was in bad shape. When we got to Sacramento that night we took him straight to the hospital to get checked out. Then the girls and I got some food and headed home. We cleaned up a little and then I went back to get Ryan. They said he had Covid pneumonia and gave a prescription for an inhaler. They also gave some anti-nausea medicine which was good cause it made it so he could finally eat something. Ryan got settled in for the night. He was still lethargic and kind of slow in his talking and decision making. I slept out on the couch.
Michael and the parents made it home safely. They all three were showing Covid symptoms so Michael tested at work and was positive so he stayed home that night and helped mom and dad. Dad had passed out on the drive home – – he was feeling nauseas so Michael stopped and dad opened the car door but before he got out he slumped down and fell out. Michael quickly helped him and got him on his back and when he came to they got him back in the car. The car seemed to make him nauseas and his oxygen levels were low.
On Sunday I went and got Ryan’s prescription filled and got food for the girls. We cleaned up Christmas a bit and got the girls situated. Ryan was in bed and trying to monitor his oxygen. He was still in pretty rough shape. Mom and Dad were sick. Michael was too but he came and drove me to the airport for my flight home that afternoon.
So Tommi takes care of an old guy for her job… and they decided they should be responsible and not come for Robertson week. They did come for Tuesday gifts and wedding but didn’t stay for food or take off their masks.
So us ladies went up to Ogden to get some more time with Shannon and Tommi. We wore our masks to be careful!
We checked out Shannons house and then played some Nertz and Otrio and then when Tommi got home they showed us all of their wedding prep and dresses!
Then we headed out to get some food. We were heading to a burger place until Shannon saw Worlds Best Corndog Truck and we had to get some! Then we topped that off with Kelseys favoite Boba Drinks:
